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No one has friends. We do not or cannot really own any other person or thing.

Disappointment in friends is quite common. The cause in general is that we do not give sufficient attention to friendships and what these really could mean, and because of this we create wrong expectations of friends. We should think, and talk with friends, about what friendship could mean (see also 1.6)

What we can do is try to be friend for others. The following text Jael wrote to explain this to a friend:

‘Having no friends’

I have no friends. Apart from any definition one has for ‘friend’, this statement contains also the word ‘have’. Problems with friends lay most of the time in the ‘have’. One can be mistaken by the idea that to ‘have’ a friend holds that one can control a friend, like any other possession.

I have no friends, but I try to be a friend for everyone.

To try to be a friend means for me that one tries to be as open and honest as possible. To treat the other as I prefer to be treated myself. To me it seems that it’s childish to make deals and/or promises as part of a ‘friendship pact’; faith should be enough.

Here however is the other side of the coin: trying to be a friend also holds that one should not always expect to be perceived as a friend in cases when the other person does not like your honest perspective. I have to allow the other her/his freedom to disagree and even to strongly dislike me for my standing. Freedom needs to be part of the relation between me and the one I try to befriend.

What is written here goes in the same way for ‘having’ a family or ‘having’ a guru, or ‘having’ anything. One ‘has’ no family nor guru nor anything; one has only one’s own spirit or soul.